SCP-5169 : Blow Up Dolls

Discovery

The SCP-5169 instances presently contained were recovered as part of a sting operation conducted by MTF Mu-3 ("Highest Bidders"), in order to confiscate any anomalous products possessed by Mr. Maximune. Initially, Mr. Maximune and any locations or persons he was known to be associated with were to be kept under surveillance until Director McBride2 gave the green light for his agents to take action.

However, on 3/9/2020, two weeks into surveillance, an explosion at Maximune's North Andover, Massachusetts residence called for immediate intervention. In the guise of FBI agents, Mu-3 personnel raided the house and confiscated all confirmed or suspected anomalies. One human corpse was recovered and identified as Maximune's romantic associate, Lawrence Kistler.

Additionally, Marshall, Carter, and Dark security staff took Mr. Maximune into custody regarding an incident in their Quality Assurance Department. He was then fired and remanded to the Foundation for interrogation and amnesticization.

Interviewer: Director Jacob McBride

Interviewed: Charles Maximune

Interviewer: What exactly was the nature of your work at MC&D?

Interviewed: Well, I worked in anart acquisitions for a while. But that had nothing to do with why I got fired.

Interviewer: Why did you get fired?

Interviewed: It was the dolls. We had, uh, just received our shipment at London HQ. Testing was just starting up. The first tester, well, fucked one of them, and… boom. Chain reaction.

Interviewer: I take it the damage was serious?

Interviewed: You could say that. There is no more QA department at London headquarters.

Interviewer: So, why do the dolls explode?

Interviewed: Well, I can tell you that wasn't my fault. Dark gave me this project a few weeks ago, told me it would be convenient if we could move into the synthetic sex trade just like the real one, and that she wanted me to see what sorts of anomalous features we could give to regular inflatable dolls. The thing is, I had a lot on my plate when I was asked to take over. So I gave the work to someone else.

Interviewer: Who?

Interviewed: Some drug dealer operating out of the states. He was recommended to me by a colleague.

Interviewer: And he made the dolls to explode when people… finished with them? Why?

Interviewed: Well… maybe it was a little my fault. I told him I wanted "blow up dolls," and he's, well, not the most literate person.

Interviewer: He thought you wanted lethal sex toys?

Interviewed: Yeah. Like I said. Not the most literate.

Interviewer: ...I think I know exactly who you're talking about.

Oh, nice.
I'm a huge fan of your work, and I was wondering if you might listen to a business proposal.

I mostly work in MCD's underground hospitality department. If you know what I mean.

What? No.
This isn't about drugs.
(The drugs are great though.)
I'm talking about what goes on in red light districts. That's my job.

I'll just spell it out. I'm working on prostitution, Except, without the prostitute part.
The idea is to get MCD in on the inflatable sex toy market.
You get me?

I'm talking about blow up dolls, dado.

Sweet. Here's my email so we can get in touch ███████@mcd.bz

So, the London trip is going to take me a bit longer than I expected.
Some things came up and the boss shifted around our itinerary a bit. I'm not going to be in Andover in time for your shipment.
But it won't be a problem.
I've called a buddy of mine and he's going to be house-sitting there. I've told him to go ahead and test out the merchandise and text both of us about it. His name's Larry.
It's been great working with you. Can't wait to start rolling these babies out. 😊

DADO YOU FUCKER
i just tried calling larry at home and guess fucking what
the second floor is FUCKING EXPLODED
larrys FUCKING DEAD
FBI are crawling all over it
AND THAT'S NOT THE WORST PART
dark called me into her office about the QA department
THERE IS NO MORE QA DEPARTMENT
THEY'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD TOO