SCP-7513 : Fuck Aliens!

Online profiles.

The following is a collection of profiles utilized by accounts belonging to SCP-7513.

Forrest, 25, he/him, bisexual, BLM, trans ally. I will block you if you dm me about aliens.

Forrest, 25, he/him, bisexual, BLM, trans ally. I hate aliens so much and if you even come CLOSE to me with that alien shit I won’t hesitate to block you.

Yo! My name’s Forrest. I’m 25, bisexual, he/him. If you don’t support BLM or trans people get the FUCK out of here.

Anyways about me, I live in Wisconsin. I’m an only child. I‘m pursuing a degree in computer design at the University of Wisconsin.

Also, really important, if you’re an alien, FUCK OFF!!! I’m getting a lot of trolls on here who are claiming to be aliens in disguise or some shit, and I’m SICK OF DEALING WITH IT!!! I HATE ALIENS SO MUCH FUCK OFF FUCK OFF!!!!

I WILL BLOCK YOU IF YOU SAY THAT YOU’RE AN ALIEN OR USE A SPACE THEMED PICK-UP LINE!!! AND YOU WON’T EVEN HAVE THE SATISFACTION OF SEEING ME REACT TO YOUR SHITTY POST!!!

hi.

Tinder Messages

The following is a collection of direct messages on Tinder from extraterrestrial entities interacting with SCP-7513.

Tameka

Hello Human

jesus that’s one way to start a convo

Isnt That What You Are?

Human?

My People Are Called “Aliens” All The Time And It’s A Problem When I Call You Human?

okay dude tone it back i don’t like this shit

didn’t come here to roleplay aliens

i don’t consent to this.

Role Play?

I Am Not Playing A Role. I Come From The Planet Zulneutis.

You Should Be Honored.

Zulneutian Queens Hardly Choose Any One To Be Their Mate.

alright i’m blocking you.

fuck off.

WAYNE HOLLAND

HELLO

WANT 2 MATE?

no

Y NOT?

not interested in one night stands

DONT KNOW WHAT ONE NIGHT STAND MEANS

sex for a night

then we never speak to each other again

OH, WELL

ENDIOLIANS MATE 4 LYFE

oh god not another fucking alien.

blocked.

kel 😏🍆💦

Whyyy don’t you want us alienssss????

????

You’re the hottest human 😘😘😘

PLEASE

STOP WITH THE FUCKING ALIEN SHIT

YOU’RE A FUCKING FREAK

mmm fuck

i like it when you call me a freak

PLEASE STOP WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

do it more daddy

😩😩😩

STOP

PLEASE

TELL YOUR LITTLE ALIEN BUDDIES TO STOP MESSAGING ME

PLEASE

I’VE HAD ENOUGH

I’M BLOCKING YOU AND I’M NEVER GONNA RESPOND TO ANY ALIEN POST EVER AGAIN.

GO AHEAD. HAVE YOUR LAUGHS.

FUCK IT

FUCK YOU

Incident 7513-1

On July 30th, SCP-7513 entered a conversation on Tinder with an UE going under the name “Georgiana Davis”, henceforth referred to as POI-481. The conversation can be read below.

georgie 💕

Hello!

hi.

please tell me you’re not an alien.

Nope. Why would you wonder that?

oh thank god.

i’ve been having these messages from people pretending to be aliens.

it’s been like once a week.

Do you believe in aliens?

yea a little.

like not the invading species coming to earth thing but like

the universe is so big it’s impossible for us to be alone

I agree.

I think that UFOs are real.

No way Roswell wasn’t an alien thing.

yeah aha

not really too into the whole roswell thing

or like those famous ufo stories

Really?

yeah i’m not an alien enthusiast

i like computers more

computer science major lol

Ooooh computers!

yeah

you like computers?

Sometimes!

Not that good at them lol.

Maybe you can be the computer guy?

lol

yeah i could.

i can build a killer pc that works better than anything else lol

maybe not like

nasa shit but

yk

Yeah

Do you like to go to clubs?

never been to one lol

Oh my god they’re so fun!

You should come to the Holden Night Club! How about August 5th? There’s gonna be a huge event there.

really? sounds fun lol

Yeah! See you there!

SCP-7513 frequently conversed with POI-481, talking about plans and daily activities. The final conversation between SCP-7513 and POI-481 was sent on August 5th and can be found below.

georgie 💕

all set and ready to go!

can’t wait to meet you

You too!

I’ll be in the back waiting for you my king!

udbdbdbfhd

your king?

Yeah!

alright then…

The Foundation was investigating an unrelated string of anomalous disappearances when hume levels dropped significantly around the area of the Holden Club, equivalent to hume levels in the presence of an extraterrestrial spacecraft.

Command approved for the operatives to set up around the Holden Club due to a rise in extraterrestrial deaths in Wisconsin, and three agents were stationed inside.

Due to the hastiness of this operation, the agents were not properly prepared, and didn’t have standard-issue lapel cameras on hand. Fortunately, SCP-7513 was recording the incident on its phone, the transcription can be read below.

[BEGIN LOG]

<Camera feed starts, it is a closeup of SCP-7513’s face>

Okay, I’m recording. I’m making this for uhhh… evidence? Might get murdered tonight and I’m kinda scared about that.

Listen, I like Georgie, but she seems, I don’t know… too good to be true? I have a bad feeling about this.

<It pauses, wiping its forehead of sweat>

Maybe it’s because she’s the only real person who contacted me after all of these ghostings and uh… people pretending to be aliens, yannow?

Alright… I’m ready…

<SCP-7513 puts the camera in its pocket, covering the view partially>

I’m just gonna be cheesy about it, yeah? This is a fake flower that sprays water… yeah… yeah… I’m just a funny guy, playing a lil joke, haha.

<SCP-7513 exits its car and enters the Holden Club, immediately making its way over to the rear of the building>

<Camera shakes as SCP-7513 approaches the back wall and walks nearby it, scanning the crowd for POI-481>

Georgie?

<Redacted for brevity. The following five minutes consist of SCP-7513 searching for POI-481, and asking other people about POI-481’s whereabouts.>

God damn, where i-

I’ve been waiting for ya, darlin~!

<Camera shakes, a brief shot of a gigantic hornet (POI-481) bursting through the walls of the Holden Club is shown.>

HOLY SHIT!

<Chaos erupts within the building, as many of the attendees, SCP-7513 included, attempt to flee the scene.>

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

<POI-481 flies at SCP-7513, picking it up and flying into the air. The footage is shaky footage of the club’s wall.>

Heya, Forrest. Glad you could make it!

GEORGIE!?

Hiya, hun~!

Shit… fuck… fuck! FUCK!! PUT ME DOWN!!

No can do, hun~. Got a queen that needs a king.

Fuck! FUCK!! HELP ME!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

<Multiple gunshots are heard, one piercing SCP-7513’s skin on its leg.>

FUCK!!! PLEASE!!! SOMEONE!!! HELP! FUCKING HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!!

Oh, darlin’… we ain’t gon’ kill ya! You’ll be lovin’ yer new life as a King, I tell ya!

<SCP-7513’s pleas turn into ineligible screams. The footage turns upwards, revealing the spaceship. The portal inside opens, showing a massive interior similar to that of a beehive. Various massive hornets similar to POI-481 are seen faintly inside the ship.>

NO!!! NO!!!! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!

<Footage blurs as SCP-7513 falls to the ground, letting go of its cell phone for a brief moment before grabbing it again. Field reports show that SCP-7513 utilized the fake flower on its shirt’s ability to spray water to blind POI-481, before using its sharp edge to pry itself free from POI-481.>

[END LOG]

POI-481 entered the ship and disappeared with the rest of its species. Its whereabouts are currently unknown. No casualties were reported. Witnesses were amnesticized and the cover story of structural failure was given to the media.