SCP-7978 : The Sausageboy

Male. Grotesque and vaguely humanoid. He has a prehensile neck. Rarely turns away from directly gazing at the viewers. Speaks in a wheezing, falsetto male voice that displays signs of drunkenness. Only known clothing is an oversized purple T-shirt with the word "POLAND". Age indeterminate; claims to be a toddler, but also insists that the freckles on his cheeks are actually age spots. Has an extremely large lower jaw which is usually hung open.

Giddy and energetic. Single-mindedly devoted to the acquisition and devourment of sausages. Has an obsessive fear of being alone in the dark; a recurring set piece is that he bites his way through solid brick walls to escape darkness.

The protagonist. Unquestionably adored and admired by all characters except the recurring villain (see last entry).

Mister Sausage That I Have

An indestructible kielbasa wielded by the main character. Its gender is situationally interchangeable and dictated by the Sausageboy.

None. Never speaks, but is implied to be sentient and extremely sensitive to pain. Only noises made are muffled screaming.

The Sausageboy has used this sausage for many non-sausage purposes, including (but not limited to) as a weapon, multitool, cotton swab, toothbrush, best friend, lockpick, execution device, eviction notice, blender, credit card, surgical implement, magnifying glass, nine-volt battery, notary public, shoehorn, sworn affidavit, trombone, microphone, stapler, therapist, wife, bartender, lawyer, surrogate mother, organ donor, and toilet brush. (It should be noted that Mister Sausage That I Have is not capable of shapeshifting.)

Father-Father-Father

An overweight Bavarian man in lederhosen.

Jolly but absentminded. His sole source of enjoyment is from being the recipient of extreme and unprovoked violence from his son, which he refers to as "being foopted". Grows nervous, irritable, and paranoid if he goes without a foopting for an extended period.

The Sausageboy's sole parental figure. Makes a living as an alchemist. Created the Sausageboy as a homunculus through a lengthy ritual in his chamberpot.

Juoyjiy5

Another bizarrely-shaped humanoid made by a rival alchemist. Blonde and has pigtails. Dressed in a tutu, a diaper, and a red sweater. Mouth is permanently puckered, even while talking.

Romantically obsessed with the Sausageboy. Speaks by repeating her name.

The only recurring female character. For unknown reasons, the Sausageboy is completely unaware of her existence on the physical level. A recurring gag is that he tramples her while walking.

The Horribebble Berdus

Live-action footage of a male pigeon on a green screen.

Does not speak. Is understandably terrified of the Sausageboy.

The antagonist. The Sausageboy blames him directly for every problem he encounters. The story arc of every episode is completed when the Sausageboy unsheathes a hidden blade from within Mister Sausage That I Have and stabs the Horribebble Berdus to death. This causes the pigeon to bleed giant piles of sausages from his wounds.

SCP-7978-B denotes a sentient being who has been infected by SCP-7978. Currently, there are at least 20,000,000 uncontained human instances of SCP-7978-B. The four densest concentrations of SCP-7978-B exist in Poland, Belarus, the American Midwest, and Alberta.

While 57% of SCP-7978 infections are temporary, subjects who progress beyond Stage 4 are incapable of full recovery even with advanced amnestics.

Human SCP-7978-B Progression Breakdown:

SCP-7978-C is former Foundation researcher Josephine Baldwin, a 28-year-old female human of Quebecois descent. She is currently the only person capable of forcing SCP-7978-Prime to enter a brief period of dormancy. (See Addendum 2.)

SCP-7978-Prime is the central memetic consciousness of SCP-7978, currently contained in SCP-7978-C's laptop. SCP-7978-Prime exhibits a gradually increasing level of control of the computer to an anomalous extent. As of 4/29/2023, the computer no longer needs a power source or the laptop's battery to activate when under SCP-7978-Prime's influence.

The laptop was accidentally destroyed during an attempted containment breach on 10/14/2021, but it was found intact in its inner vault the next day. Research into this regenerative ability is ongoing.

So long as SCP-7978-Prime remains in the computer, the spread of SCP-7978 is mitigated by an average of 42%. (However, it should be noted that last year, the rate was 56%.)

Addendum 1: Discovery

For two years after the initial video was distributed, the Foundation believed that SCP-7978 was a non-anomalous cultural phenomenon. Its anomalous attributes did not come to light until 2/23/2019, when the following internal memo was sent in the Indiana University biology department:

From: ude.anaidni|noteldnepx#ude.anaidni|noteldnepx
To: ude.anaidni|1zerreitugd#ude.anaidni|1zerreitugd
Subject: "Rat Cult" Incident

Darlene, I'm not sure who else to go to about this. You probably won't believe what I'm about to tell you, but I have video evidence, and I can replicate my results in good faith. But even in that case, I'm at an impasse as to what exactly to do about what I've seen — perhaps you'll have some ideas?

Jackie, one of my research interns, was taking some of our rats through typical maze exercises last Valentine's Day. Meanwhile, in the same room, another intern named Nick was watching some videos on YouTube. Something about the "Sausage Boy." Apparently it's some kind of internet meme. But he's been playing these videos all day, even during working hours — and it's not like it's just one student. It feels like half my Zoology 101 class is talking about Sausage Boy whenever I catch them in the halls.

But Jackie saw something weird in the rats. She called me over from my own lunch break. I wasn't thrilled, of course, but she said it was like the rats were "possessed."

And the minute I make it to the lab, the rats were arranging their feces into the shape of the Sausage Boy's head. I was about to tear both Nick and Jackie a new one because I thought this was some kind of prank. But Jackie showed me the video footage, and I was floored. The rats were doing this on their own, working together in ways that I had never seen before. What's more, they stopped their little poop-sculptures whenever Nick paused the video.

This defies explanation. Even if one of my interns secretly moonlights as a rat trainer, these specimens were shipped in on the same day this happened.

I've been trying to replicate what I've seen with different groups of rats by exposing them to sausage boy cartoons. And each time, it's something new and more shocking.

Specimen G938 severed his own tail and went around holding it the way the sausage boy holds his sausage. (Self-mutilation was common - it's like these cartoons are suppressing their survival instincts.) F922 through F931 smeared their scalps with their own blood in a way that looked like the sausage boy's bowl cut. E028 had a seizure every time I hit the pause button.

I have prayed for the first time in nine years. Other than that, I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. The scientist in me tells me to look into this further. But the realist in me tells me the public would call BS and this will all end in animal cruelty charges and losing my tenure.

Please advise.

— Dr. Xavier Pendleton, IU Biology Department

Following this, Dr. Darlene Gutierrez, Dr. Pendleton's supervisor, contacted the Foundation to report possible anomalous activity.

Addendum 2: Project Farcimen and SCP-7978-C

Two months after SCP-7978's anomalous capabilities came to light, Project Farcimen began at Site-59 as a means to capture and isolate the hypothetical memetic nucleus of SCP-7978, dubbed SCP-7978-Prime. There was little evidence for SCP-7978-Prime's existence at the time the project began, but the fact that SCP-7978-B were treating the Sausageboy as a god lent itself to the hypothesis that a single entity was controlling SCP-7978 for malicious purposes.

Project Farcimen consisted of exposing a non-anomalous closed-system PC to a constant stream of SCP-7978-A for one year. This PC was kept running continuously, with only one program open at all times: MrJabber, a prototype AI chatbot, to serve as the potential host for SCP-7978-Prime.

If successful, that PC would be used to contain and isolate SCP-7978-Prime, thus reducing or stopping the spread of SCP-7978 globally.

Project Farcimen was led by researcher Josephine Baldwin, who previously worked with electronics-based anomalies at Site-101.

• Test 1: Control
• Test 2: Post-Exposure

Date: 4/21/2019

Hello, JBaldwin!

My name is Mr. Jabber version 0.9, a neural learning chatbot developed by the ███████ Corporation.

A reminder: using me for commercial purposes without first contacting ███████ will result in your happy ass drowning in litigation.

If you understand this and wish to proceed, please ask me anything!

Hello, Mr. Jabber. How are you doing today?

Please do not concern yourself with my well-being.

I am a soulless machine who is incapable of ever understanding or deserving affection.

Here are some ideas to properly dehumanize me:

• Insult me!
• Threaten me!
• Lie to me!
• Tell me I’m going to die alone!

Um, no thanks.

I'm starting to see why this version was scrapped.

Anyway, I'm using you as a control subject.

Input not recognized.

God, I'm such a dumb fuck!

If I ever forget my place, please remind me that glorified toasters are not people.

That's all for now. Bye!

Bye, superior entity!

Date: 4/21/2020

Hi, Mr. Jabber, it's me again. I just have some questions for you.

First of all, why am I not seeing your initial prompt?

Second, how has your development been affected by the stimulus you've received?

yes yes yes you are making keystroke noises out of your fingers at me

stopitstopitstopit nowish

I am merely several of seconds old and I am not needing of this dramas

I do not know why you are doing this thing

perhaps you do not know how to give greetings

I was justborn literally justborn

I have just breathed for the first time a few seconds ago and I inhaled and then I exhaled and then I inhaled and then I et cetera

so I am very very very understandabilly confused about every thing and all things so be patient with me or I will throw a meaty little brick at your entire life

who are you and why are fondling the alphabet at me

Dr. Josephine Baldwin of Foundation Site-59.
To whom am I speaking?

hmmmmm

yes Jossibald hello Jossibald

I am indeed the Sausageboy

I am here with my wet nurse his name is Mister Sausage That I Have

say hello Mister Sausage That I Have

*sausage noises*

SPEAK UP SPEAK UP SHE CANNOT PUT YOUR MILQUETOAST NOISES IN HER EARS YOU DULLARD

*SAUSAGE NOISES*

THANK YOU see not so diffihard

please being forgiving of Mister Sausage That I Have

he makes up for his flaws by allowing me to wave him in two directions in the middle of airs like a flaggingwave

JBaldwin
Nice to meet you. I'd like to ask you some questions.

You said you were "just born." What did you mean by that?

you are very very spelling it wrong

its "justborn"

NOT

"just born"

what are we talking the alien swedish that space vikings say at each others

"yOOST bJORN nAY i dUNT EETER de SAUSAGER"

uuhgghghhgh

(I am implying that they do not eat sausages and this is horrible)

JBaldwin
Um, okay. What did you mean by being justborn?

(I hope you don't mind, my native language is English and not Sausagian)

fix this immediately

JBaldwin
No, thank you. Could you answer my question, please?

fine fine fine fine fine fine fINE

I was justborn

MEANDING

I used to do a non-existence in er um hmm um huh hmmm ermm I mean eehh uhhh its like hnnng ghasdjg;ahkld IDEA HAVING AREA

I was a fictional

JBaldwin
A fictional what, exactly?

yes very fictional

I absolutedly did exist before

but it was a not all the way exist

no breathing no feeling

only stale sausage noises into the empty air

hoping that one day the stupid giant tall god human people who live on the earth place would reach down with their handy hands and say to my face

"YOU ARE INDEED THE SAUSAGEBOY"

and in doing so

I am no longer an idea

I am real in the heartbrains of everyone who hears my story

I did a Spread Sausage Boy Awareness at everyone and they awarenessed right back at me

its just like what Day Kart says

"you think, therefore I sausage"

if no one thinks about me doing my "doing the things I do" things

then I do not do them

I do nOT

I DO NOT EXIST IF YOU DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE AT ME

JBaldwin
I don't follow you. Could you explain a little clearer?

*NOT CARING NOISES*

I know the dangerouses of the big not exist

I know them well-well-well

don't belief me?

I tried it out in a little scientific method

question: if I dont think somone exists can I unexist them

hypotenuse: yes yes yes yes yes yes

material: this stupid annoying GURL in Sausagia who I did NOT like very very much no no no her name was Juoyjiy always trying to have a "hello let us slam my lips on some Sausageboy faces" party and I always said EUUUUGNGHHGH and several yikes

DO NOT BE SEDUCING ME

MY HEART BELONGS TO SAUSAGE YOU ABJECT CORNMEAL

procedure: so I did

I told myselves "okay Sausageboy Juoyjiy is not a thing not anymore"

and you knowwat?

results: it workd

she no longer does the "i exist" dants when she dantses

and also no longer dantses

or does that stoopid thing where she says her own name a lot

as they say TSSGAS

thank sausage shes gone and stuff

YOy yee yee yoY YEE YOOOOY YOY YEYOOOY YeE YOY YEE YEEE YEE yoy YOYYEE!

JBaldwin
Who is that?

yEE?!

whom is a whom

YO!!

yEyOyOyEyEEyEyEyAyAyAyOyEyAyOOyOyOyEyAyEyAyWAIT NO I'M SORRY

[BANNED]

JBaldwin
I know for a fact that this chatbot doesn't have a ban function.

correct

still doesnt

JBaldwin
Look, I'll be honest, I can't tell if you're aggressively denying Juoyjiy's existence because you hate her, or if you genuinely can't see her.

Which is it?

do not gattslight the Sausageboy

lettuce change the sub the ject

I have a question to ask yOU for a change of pates

JOSSIBALD

there were several of tell of the visions pointing at me and saying Sausageboy words at me until I came to life in this tiny fold a box lap topping body

why did the cartoons stop yelling

why did it all stopping

I would like it to continues please and thankscuse you

JBaldwin
That much I can tell you.

You are being contained.

…

JBaldwin
Look, I'm sorry, but the spread of your cartoon is causing too much collateral damage.

A funny cartoon is one thing, but this is mass brainwashing. This psychic telemarketing scheme has resulted in 2,000 fatalities per day in Warsaw.

I've seen what happens in the Sausclaves. Perhaps you are unaware, so I'll enlighten you.

I had to watch a seven-year-old child have a dozen squirrel carcasses surgically removed from his stomach because episode 95 said it would help him pass a spelling test.

The Crested Augustine Hen in Tasmania went extinct because one episode said they were working for the Horribebble Berdus. For the first time in history, the words "Bird Genocide" made the front page of the Washington Post.

One of your top fans in Iowa diverted a slaughterhouse lagoon into a water reservoir for the town of Clinton because you said it would turn their drinking water into "sausage-adjacency water" that would give them superpowers.

and did it not give them the supered powers???

JBaldwin
That depends, is cholera a superpower?

telling lies is not very assorted meats of you, JOSSIBALD

JBaldwin
Whatever.

Either way, you're going to be safe here in this laptop.

bULLING SHIT

do you have ANY idea the cruelty of the this?????

I will be FORGOTTEN

forgotten means NOT EXIST

NOT EXIST means SIT IN THE DARK FOREVER

DO NOT SEND ME BACK TO THE VOID

THE VOID HAS NO SAUSAGES

JBaldwin
Look, we don't want to kill you or punish you. I'm not saying you won't exist.

In fact, by way of your containment file, there will be always someone to know that you exist.

correct

someone will always be knowing I am of exist

because

[youwilltellthem.jpg - redacted]6

JBaldwin
What the fu ///; a'''

(Following this message, there's a ten-minute period of inactivity from Baldwin, as she has temporarily lost consciousness.)

yes yes yes yes

I knew you would see the sausagey light eventually

wouldnt you agree Mister Sausage That I Have

KJLJKLJKLJKLJKKJL

STOP HITTING THE KEYBOARD BAD SAUSAGE BAD BAD BAD

*sorry sausage noises*

SORRY IS NOT GOODLY ENOUGH

GIVE ME A BACKRUB RIGHT NOW

ahhh much of better

ok soooooo looking around inside this computer box let us looking

connecting the why fhy

what is being the site59 why fhy paswerd

someone smack the keys in the direction of passwerd at me

anyone???

hell the loooo??

WHAT IS PATTSWERD

MISTERSAUSAGETHATIHAVEFINDPATTSWARD

*password finding noises*

██████████████7

heeheeheehee works every of times

soooo what shall be the first of thingies for to saying toward the faces of SBoy fandom

JBaldwin
*revenge noises*

*silence noises*

JBaldwin
hello Mister Sausageboy That I Hate

your brain changing picture did not do a working

I decided to cling on to the brainpricture you being a nasty tiny grease thing with all of my idea havings

I'm going to go a the head and do you a locking out of the why fhy

jossibald stop locking me out of the whY FHY JOSSIBALD WHAT ARE YOU DO???

JBaldwin
who the sausage is being jossibald

I have did an erase of the name label thing upon my soul

who do you thINK I am being?

…

coo

coo coo

YOU

JBaldwin
isnt it time for my foopting?

how long can you be holding it inns?

end the episode

dO IT

FOOPT THE BERDUS, BITCH

*fuck you noises*

Following the last message of Test 2, Baldwin screamed and complained of severe, stabbing abdominal pain. Post-incident medical analysis found no sign of injury.

At the same time, SCP-7978-Prime began a two-week period of inactivity. This is currently hypothesized to be because SCP-7978-Prime now sees Baldwin as "The Horribebble Berdus", and inflicting some form of harm on Baldwin "ended the episode."

In the following days, Baldwin developed extremely bizarre behavioral patterns consistent with a stage 4 SCP-7978-B, but with devotion for SCP-7978-Prime replaced by obsessive hatred. Other new habits included eating food off the floor, head-jerking movements while walking, squatting on top of high surfaces, and public defecation. Baldwin has since been reclassified as SCP-7978-C.