SCP-7300 : PLANKTON!!!

Hey— ah fuck, man— god. Uh. Thanks for moving me to a room with windows. I mean, artificial light is nice and all, but nothin' quite replaces the real thing. But maybe shitty light is just my destiny, 'cause I'm a shitty—

SCP-7300. Please, stay on track. I've brought you here to answer some questions, and hopefully we can figure out what happened to you, okay?

That's the thing— I think I was always like this. A shitty fuckin' mite—

I'm going to have to ask that you remain calm. I sympathize with your situation, I really do. I got turned into a mosquito once, and lemme tell you, it wasn't very fun. But I got turned back. We can help you.

I— okay. Fuck.

Thank you. To start off… what all do you remember?

Um… a lot. My memories are kind of hazy. I remember being born, and feeling like something very wrong was happening. Couldn't quite place it at first— just felt like— like a square peg in a round hole, y'know? Then I realized I was actually a guy peg in an algae hole.

Plankton hole, actually.

A— I'm a fucking plankton? Like— like Spongebob?

I mean, uh… I guess you're part of the species that inspired the character?

Man. I should build a robot. Robot wife… Fuck yeah…

Sure. So, uh, you mentioned Spongebob, do you have any other memories of human society?

Yeah! Tons of 'em. I watched so much cable TV. And I know how to do taxes, like, really well. I'm thinking I was an accountant. I had a wife. And kids. And a kidney stone. And an ex-wife. Turns out divorce papers are harder to fill out than Form W-9s. Way, way harder. I don't remember their names. We lived by a river. Had to move in with my parents later. Then I must've died. That's, uh… that's about it.

That's… that's a lot. But you're saying that you were once a human, correct?

I was. I think. I don't know what god I pissed off for this to happen. But I've been thinking, and it's really not that bad— it's— I don't have to eat— I mean, I can— but.

But?

I just wanna know if this is like, a curse, or some kind of cosmic-level fuck up, or like… god. I don't know. I'm sorry. Shit.

It's okay. You've given me a lot of information to go off of. We can give you a happy life here, for now. There's a nice pond near here. Maybe I can see if we can put you there?

I… I guess? Ponds are nice. Do you have frogs there? Ducks?

Yeah! A duck recently laid eggs, we're expecting little chicks to pop up any day now.

Oh my god. Really?

Really.

That's uh… That's… I don't really know what to say. But, uh, I just… I've got one more worry.

What is it? If the pond isn't to your liking, we can try and—

No— no, the pond sounds great. Wonderful, even. It's just… if this was some kind of cosmic fuckup, where like, my guy peg got put into an algae hole… then what happened to the algae peg that got put into a guy hole?

That's… we don't even know if that's what happened.

No, no, I've got a feeling that is what's happened. I'm a victim here! My body is very much my concern! Because it's mine!

You're drawing unfounded conclusions and—

There's some fucked up baby out there that's eating light and has like, zero brain function! Plankton don't think! I tried talking to them, to my brothers and sisters. They really don't! They get eaten up easily, they don't even think to just swim away! Maybe I should just embrace my position in the food chain and—

Calm down. Please, just take a deep— uh, just— a deep… photosynthesis? Do you want to go see the pond?

Do I?!? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I fucking love ponds.

Great. Ah— just out the window, you can actually see it from here!

Oh fuck. That's a good pond. Shit, dude.

It really is, huh?

Fuck yeah! Hell yeah! Oh man. Y'know what? I take it back—

The pond, or—

I love being a plankton!

As of May 1st, 2022, SCP-7300's morale ratings are at an all-time high. As such, investigations into the origins of SCP-7300 have been placed on low priority indefinitely. SCP-7300's psychologist, Dr. Goodman, expressed support for this action, stating the following:

In this case, doing anything more is unnecessary, and perhaps even harmful. SCP-7300's mental state practically crashes every single interview. Right now, it's finally doing better than ever before.

The best we can do is give it a happy life, and we're doing just that currently. If you've spoken with SCP-7300, you can tell how it feels.

It just really loves being a plankton. That's it.

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